:Nintendo Widow

This weekend, I did some anti-shopping. I’m sure someone has already coined the phrase, but I think of it as mentally bookmarking things I will never buy for someone I love. I’ve been lucky. I haven’t received many awful Christmas gifts. Still, I wonder what people are thinking when they walk out of the mall with a dancing Christmas tree toy or a singing trout. Seriously, who wants this crap?

To save you the trouble of figuring out what NOT to buy this Christmas, I have compiled a short list:

1. 365-day calendars: Dilbert is funny. He is so funny that I will read the entire calendar in two hours and never look at it again.
2. Candles: Unless you know of a particular scent or brand that someone likes, do not buy candles for someone else. These are the first things I throw out when I move. I used to regift them, but that goes against my whole “candle giving” belief system.
3. Soaps: see candles.
4. Figurines: This is generally a no-no. If it is an Hummel or a Lladro, then it might be okay.
5. Christmas ornaments: Why would I want to open an ornament on Christmas day?
6. Sweaters: A bad idea. Exception: You knitted it yourself.
7. Clothing with cartoon characters on it: You don’t like to look at it. Why make someone wear it?
8. Random books on the 75% off rack at Barnes and Noble: Come on. Why on earth would you buy me A History of Plymouth Rock in paperback? Because it was such a good deal!
9. Discount DVDs: see Random books
10. Weird gadgets: Some are fun, like handheld devices. However, the combo hot-plate/bread slicer might not be as handy as one imagined.
11. Tickets for a band or performing act that the recipient has never heard of: Tickets, meet craigslist.
12. Jewelry: Not all women want to show their love to you by wearing the red-and-green elf earrings you gave her to the company holiday party. For the record, my mother and mother-in-law pick out fabulous jewelry, and they know better than to ever THINK about giving me elfin earrings.

Since it looks like I’m just making a list of things not to give, here is my personal list of things that is okay to give.

1. Booze: Who doesn’t want a bottle of wine, good liquor, or beer? Not me!
2. Food: Even if the recipient doesn’t eat it, they can give it to someone who will. Plus, it won’t take up shelf space in years to come.
3. A framed photo of you and the recipient. If it’s not too cheesy, it can be a very thoughtful gift.
4. Handmade something: small items such as socks, hats, scarves, and pottery are okay. Poster-sized photo collages of the giver are not okay.
5. Gift cards: Easy and small. Everyone wins!
6. A book that you read and enjoyed: (optional) Include a thoughtful note on the title page.